Before we leave this topic, I would like to highlight one of the latest books on this topic - The Speed of Trust, written by Stephen M.R. Covey, son of Stephen R. Covey (author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®).
At a high level, Covey talks about two important elements of building trust: 1. Character and 2. Competence.
One has to have have high integrity to be trusted by others. But that's not sufficient. Even if one has high values and integrity but could not deliver on the results required, one will not be able to build trust. On the other hand, if one is very competitive and delivers or even over delivers but doesn't have high integrity, he/she will not be able to climb the career or social ladder and will be left out as an intelligent but not trustworthy person. It summarizes the whole concept.
Other highlight from the book is Self Trust. It may sound like a Self-Help concept. But it is not so. Self-Trust is about keeping the commitments one makes to oneself. Whether it is about hitting the gym for one hour everyday or getting up at 5 AM in the morning, if we one doesn't keep commitments he/she made it to the self, it is hard to make others believe that you can deliver on the results they want.
Here is a summary of the book.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
How to build trust
As we realize by now, building trust is the first step in forming good relationships. I wish I have a shortcut formula to build trust to tell you guys. But, there is none as far as I know. From my experience, there are three important elements in building trust:
1. Keep your word: Small or big, one has to keep one's word. It may be just a small word as "I will call you over the weekend". People form quick opinions based on small incidents and broken promises.
It's not easy for us to keep our word as the world gets more cluttered, people get busy and flooded with information. We forget things amid this information overload. Managing oneself better (There is nothing called managing time. There are only 24 hours whatever way you see) can help to keep track of the important things.
Another important consideration is managing expectations. Some people say "Under Promise, Over Deliver". I personally don't like this way of working. I try to be candid about the constraints and give a realistic picture. From my experience, I did stretch myself because of some over promised goals, but most of the time my managers did appreciate it.
2. Be vulnerable: How does some people can never get close to their Bosses or Kids or Friends? If you take it piece by piece how the relationships in those situations work, they are most of the time one way streets. Bosses don't encourage criticism (need not be criticism on professional front but just a joke on boss's home basket ball team).
The same rule applies with friends as well. Your friends or whoever you want to build a relationship with should feel that they can criticize you or comment on your work, your way of doing things, something that you did. Hidden feelings don't help to build a stronger relationship.
From my personal experience, being vulnerable is really important to building relationships. Many of the relationships fall short of becoming great ones because the conversations in those always involve plain talk or praise and no criticism. By criticism, I don't mean just serious stuff. It can be just a comment on his/her poker skills or memory or Racquetball skills. Unless you feel comfortable to go to that level, you can take it for granted that the relationship is not a strong one.
3. Last but not least, Be Kind and Generous: At one or other point of time all of us make mistakes. We argue. We disagree. Be kind to others and forgive their mistakes. Even if it is their mistake, take the first step in bridging the gap. Forgiving takes a lot of strength as one has to come over the emotional barrier that the other person should come to you first.
Be generous. I would not have been able to pursue my MBA without the help of many of my friends, before and during my MBA. Some of them I have known for 15 years, others just for a year. Help people before they reach the heights. It creates a sense of loyalty. I have an uncle who visited me when I joined the MBA program. He took me around to show the places. He called me up regularly to inquire about how was I doing? For my second year, he arranged a friend (I never met or spoke with this cosigner before) his to cosign my huge loan.
Now, whatever the news I hear about my professional or personal life, my uncle is the first one to know.
1. Keep your word: Small or big, one has to keep one's word. It may be just a small word as "I will call you over the weekend". People form quick opinions based on small incidents and broken promises.
It's not easy for us to keep our word as the world gets more cluttered, people get busy and flooded with information. We forget things amid this information overload. Managing oneself better (There is nothing called managing time. There are only 24 hours whatever way you see) can help to keep track of the important things.
Another important consideration is managing expectations. Some people say "Under Promise, Over Deliver". I personally don't like this way of working. I try to be candid about the constraints and give a realistic picture. From my experience, I did stretch myself because of some over promised goals, but most of the time my managers did appreciate it.
2. Be vulnerable: How does some people can never get close to their Bosses or Kids or Friends? If you take it piece by piece how the relationships in those situations work, they are most of the time one way streets. Bosses don't encourage criticism (need not be criticism on professional front but just a joke on boss's home basket ball team).
The same rule applies with friends as well. Your friends or whoever you want to build a relationship with should feel that they can criticize you or comment on your work, your way of doing things, something that you did. Hidden feelings don't help to build a stronger relationship.
From my personal experience, being vulnerable is really important to building relationships. Many of the relationships fall short of becoming great ones because the conversations in those always involve plain talk or praise and no criticism. By criticism, I don't mean just serious stuff. It can be just a comment on his/her poker skills or memory or Racquetball skills. Unless you feel comfortable to go to that level, you can take it for granted that the relationship is not a strong one.
3. Last but not least, Be Kind and Generous: At one or other point of time all of us make mistakes. We argue. We disagree. Be kind to others and forgive their mistakes. Even if it is their mistake, take the first step in bridging the gap. Forgiving takes a lot of strength as one has to come over the emotional barrier that the other person should come to you first.
Be generous. I would not have been able to pursue my MBA without the help of many of my friends, before and during my MBA. Some of them I have known for 15 years, others just for a year. Help people before they reach the heights. It creates a sense of loyalty. I have an uncle who visited me when I joined the MBA program. He took me around to show the places. He called me up regularly to inquire about how was I doing? For my second year, he arranged a friend (I never met or spoke with this cosigner before) his to cosign my huge loan.
Now, whatever the news I hear about my professional or personal life, my uncle is the first one to know.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The top 3 secrets of networking
If you are like Einstein or Newton working on your own in a small room, trying to prove something scientific that no one else understood, you don't have to network. Wait, can you really do experiments with out the help of others any more?
For the rest of us who are not Einsteins and Newtons of the world, a network is the biggest asset we have got. Many a number of students, MBAs especially from Asian countries dread the word Networking. It sends a negative signal to many of them. As an international student in the U.S, I have got my stories of networking gone well and gone awful. In retrospection, there are 3 secrets to networking that I would like to share with the students or anyone in general.
1. Networking is based on TRUST. This is the most important point that many of us miss. We treat networking as an evil thing that is inevitable. If you start with that mindset you will be doomed. Networking is not just any other activity to spend time and think that you have done your part. Networking is based on mutual trust. The person you are talking to always asks himself one question during your initial conversations: Can I trust this guy/girl? Is he genuine? And when you ask a favor, the person asks himself whether he can put his name on the line for you.
So, always approach the people genuinely. Make your point clear and don't have any hidden agendas. Especially if you are an MBA, most people you come in contact with are highly qualified and intelligent. Build trust through intelligent conversations. Yes, it takes time. That's the first secret. Networking takes time.
2. Build it before you need it. The first point drives the second. To build trust, you need to work on your network well before you can ask for any help. You and I went to the same undergrad school. We never spoke before. Can I just call you up one day and ask for a reference for one of the positions in your organization? Will you refer me to the HR though you hardly know my qualifications, affiliations and experience? In most cases NO.
That drives the point that you need to build your network well before you need it. In building the network, keep in mind that you need to inch closer and closer to the person with each conversation. Try to learn about his/her interests outside professional life as these are the talking points that help to have informal conversations, which help to build trust.
3. Give to the network. Networking is a two-way street. Many of us think that networking is one way and you just need to feel stupid and try to get info from our contact through networking. This is a big mistake. Networking works out well only both the persons feel that it is important to share information and keep in touch. Giving generously to your network will help you to build a closer relationship. Some people say: I am just a student. How can I help the contacts in the industry? As a student, you tend to read a lot and be abreast of the latest trends/ issues. Send your contacts interesting articles/reports about the industry that they operate in. Another good and important way to give is to put them in touch with a friend or contact you think will be helpful to them. In this way, you create a circled network which is more efficient.
Finally, we network all the time. We networked when we were in primary as well as high schools and that's how all of us have friends, who we call "best friends". Once you start looking at networking as a way to help each other than to disguise each other, you will be more efficient at this wonderful activity.
For the rest of us who are not Einsteins and Newtons of the world, a network is the biggest asset we have got. Many a number of students, MBAs especially from Asian countries dread the word Networking. It sends a negative signal to many of them. As an international student in the U.S, I have got my stories of networking gone well and gone awful. In retrospection, there are 3 secrets to networking that I would like to share with the students or anyone in general.
1. Networking is based on TRUST. This is the most important point that many of us miss. We treat networking as an evil thing that is inevitable. If you start with that mindset you will be doomed. Networking is not just any other activity to spend time and think that you have done your part. Networking is based on mutual trust. The person you are talking to always asks himself one question during your initial conversations: Can I trust this guy/girl? Is he genuine? And when you ask a favor, the person asks himself whether he can put his name on the line for you.
So, always approach the people genuinely. Make your point clear and don't have any hidden agendas. Especially if you are an MBA, most people you come in contact with are highly qualified and intelligent. Build trust through intelligent conversations. Yes, it takes time. That's the first secret. Networking takes time.
2. Build it before you need it. The first point drives the second. To build trust, you need to work on your network well before you can ask for any help. You and I went to the same undergrad school. We never spoke before. Can I just call you up one day and ask for a reference for one of the positions in your organization? Will you refer me to the HR though you hardly know my qualifications, affiliations and experience? In most cases NO.
That drives the point that you need to build your network well before you need it. In building the network, keep in mind that you need to inch closer and closer to the person with each conversation. Try to learn about his/her interests outside professional life as these are the talking points that help to have informal conversations, which help to build trust.
3. Give to the network. Networking is a two-way street. Many of us think that networking is one way and you just need to feel stupid and try to get info from our contact through networking. This is a big mistake. Networking works out well only both the persons feel that it is important to share information and keep in touch. Giving generously to your network will help you to build a closer relationship. Some people say: I am just a student. How can I help the contacts in the industry? As a student, you tend to read a lot and be abreast of the latest trends/ issues. Send your contacts interesting articles/reports about the industry that they operate in. Another good and important way to give is to put them in touch with a friend or contact you think will be helpful to them. In this way, you create a circled network which is more efficient.
Finally, we network all the time. We networked when we were in primary as well as high schools and that's how all of us have friends, who we call "best friends". Once you start looking at networking as a way to help each other than to disguise each other, you will be more efficient at this wonderful activity.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Introverts, Extroverts and Career Success
I am an introvert. I think about many things on my own and don't disclose a lot unless a person is really close. But, once I get close I reveal my life.
75% of the Americans are extroverts and their share is growing with each new generation. So, how does an introvert succeed in a world dominated by extroverts?
How do you portray yourself as one among the herd and not the one who travels the lonely path?
You act like an extrovert. It is not one's fault to be an introvert. Though you can not attribute to one reason why a person becomes an introvert, I observed that the childhood days have a huge bearing on one's personality. If a person was brought up in a village, chances are high that he will grow to become an introvert.
It is not fair to say that introverts are not good at networking. Indeed they are the ones who have strong networks.
I become very extroverted when I talk to my parents and my extended family. I have 1 uncle, 3 aunts and in total it is 20 people in our extended family. We don't stay at the same place. But, whoever I talk to among those 20, I talk a lot as I feel everyone of them is dear to me.
So, if you are introvert like me and feel like you are not on par with others in networking, you need not worry. The following are some tips I can give from my experience:
1. Introverts are good at virtual networking. Use LinkedIn, Orkut, FaceBook etc; to increase your network. Drop e-mails, call on phones to say HI if you feel like you don't have a lot to talk.
2. Introverts listen more, reflect more on what they know, and read a lot. Use these skills to have conversations that interest you. You can get the other person to talk what you like. Also, if you like somethings like Video games? Poker? Music? you can talk about these as well.
3. Introverts are less energetic and need frequent refueling of themselves. They need more breaks and can't be in a social setting for extended periods of time. From my personal example, I can't go to a bar and stay there till 3 or 4 AM. It's not my cup of tea. So, I try to meet people for tea or dinner.
4. Finally, most important is to know your limitations. If you realize that you are an introvert, it helps you to act like an extrovert whenever required.
Many corporate CEOs are intro-extroverts. They act like an extrovert whenever required. Many of them read a lot and spend a lot of time with families. CEOs can not talk to each and every employee. They have a clan of 6-8 lieutenants who they share their secrets with. They rely on small groups for their work. So, never feel that if you don't know 50 people personally you are doomed.
75% of the Americans are extroverts and their share is growing with each new generation. So, how does an introvert succeed in a world dominated by extroverts?
How do you portray yourself as one among the herd and not the one who travels the lonely path?
You act like an extrovert. It is not one's fault to be an introvert. Though you can not attribute to one reason why a person becomes an introvert, I observed that the childhood days have a huge bearing on one's personality. If a person was brought up in a village, chances are high that he will grow to become an introvert.
It is not fair to say that introverts are not good at networking. Indeed they are the ones who have strong networks.
I become very extroverted when I talk to my parents and my extended family. I have 1 uncle, 3 aunts and in total it is 20 people in our extended family. We don't stay at the same place. But, whoever I talk to among those 20, I talk a lot as I feel everyone of them is dear to me.
So, if you are introvert like me and feel like you are not on par with others in networking, you need not worry. The following are some tips I can give from my experience:
1. Introverts are good at virtual networking. Use LinkedIn, Orkut, FaceBook etc; to increase your network. Drop e-mails, call on phones to say HI if you feel like you don't have a lot to talk.
2. Introverts listen more, reflect more on what they know, and read a lot. Use these skills to have conversations that interest you. You can get the other person to talk what you like. Also, if you like somethings like Video games? Poker? Music? you can talk about these as well.
3. Introverts are less energetic and need frequent refueling of themselves. They need more breaks and can't be in a social setting for extended periods of time. From my personal example, I can't go to a bar and stay there till 3 or 4 AM. It's not my cup of tea. So, I try to meet people for tea or dinner.
4. Finally, most important is to know your limitations. If you realize that you are an introvert, it helps you to act like an extrovert whenever required.
Many corporate CEOs are intro-extroverts. They act like an extrovert whenever required. Many of them read a lot and spend a lot of time with families. CEOs can not talk to each and every employee. They have a clan of 6-8 lieutenants who they share their secrets with. They rely on small groups for their work. So, never feel that if you don't know 50 people personally you are doomed.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Purpose
I have always been a big fan of "Purpose". There is a reason why we do things or more precisely, I feel that there should be one. The purpose of this blog is to talk about the things I find interesting or somethings I learned on the way, found useful and would like others to know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
